Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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