At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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