is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
