Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
