She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
