Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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