Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
