I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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