fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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