We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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