And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
