So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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