I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
