I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
