and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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