Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize