Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
