I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
