Non-Jews are for practice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
