If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
