My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He felt like a one man threesome
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
