My sheets look like a crime scene.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
