I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
