how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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