By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
