Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
