Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
