wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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