my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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