So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
