This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize