if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
