so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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