The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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