My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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