my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
