You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
