I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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