Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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