I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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