shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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