1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
