I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I believe in your delicious
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
