if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
