If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
