i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
