We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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