There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
