Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
