He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
