connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
