Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
