My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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