Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
