im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i came on her dog
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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