If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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