Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
