I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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