A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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