either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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