I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
