community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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