We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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