I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
