I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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