i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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