Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
BRING THE BAGELS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
