The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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