gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
