So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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