mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
