when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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