i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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