Plan B is the new Plan A
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
