Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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