She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
